3 Degrees of Separation – Or Less

Have you ever wondered about who your friends know and are friends with too?  I’ve recently discovered just how tiny SL can be.  My friend Alys, is friends with someone I have been following on Flickr for at least three years now, Kryla.  It wasn’t until recently that I really took notice of the network of people that are out there, just how tight the SL community is as a whole.

I think I may try an experiment and see just who knows who around SL.  I am going to pick a random person I want to get to know and see if I can get a conversation going with them through an introduction from a friend of a friend of a friend.  Lets see if this 3 degrees stuff (or less) holds true.

(names have been changed to protect the innocent!)

It’s a lost art really…

Conversation that is.

We come to SL to socialize, and it seems that we spend most of our time standing around on sims checking out other people, but rarely do we engage them.  I think that is in large part due to a lot of people not knowing how to initiate a conversation.  They are either too shy, or they are just not interested, which the latter begs the questioin, why are you here?

One of the best tools to start a conversation is the avatar profile.  Everyone has them but so many people put so very little effort into defining them.  I don’t mean that you have to write an epic novel the size of War and Peace, but least have something in there.  Well thought out profiles contain nuggets of information that help a person determine if they want to IM you or not.  A blank profile to me makes me not want to talk to someone.  I understand that there is this mantra of “If you need to know, IM me.” but saying just hi to someone and hoping there is a connection there usually doesn’t work.  Having conversation hooks in your profile help start the conversation.  I use them all the time.

Of course there are the other side to the equation.  Someone having spent time creating a well thought out profile only to be bashed in the proverbial head with someone’s often blunt method of opening up a conversation.  Most people don’t respond to, “Ur Hot,” or, “Hey sex kitten,” if their profile says something like, “Hi I like cats, shoes and I’m not in SL for sex.”.  So again, a profile is there for people to read, to give the interested party some insight into who that person is, and so that you don’t come of as a complete idiot.

Another thing that I’ve learned is, if you are into RP in SL, your RP character doesn’t translate well into a non RP environment. Stop being Princess Perky of the Dire Elves or Buttlover Todd, sex starved musclehead when you go out into the world at large.  Your characters may be fun to you, but the average person isn’t going to enjoy your RP when they are in a social setting that isn’t expecting it. They’ll just think you’re very weird.

In SL there are lots of things to see and do.  It’s always better to do it with someone else.  So I hope to see you in world.  If you see me, please say hi!

Gaining perspective…

I know it’s been a while since I have actually written anything in this blog.  It isn’t for lack of desire, but more for lack of content.  I didn’t get online as much during the summer, with my RL commitments getting in the way and putting a damper to online life.

Despite it all, I managed to get online more in August and with that, I partnered someone I really enjoy being around, however that wasn’t really meant to be largely because I was very sporadic in my online time and I found it difficult to be relied upon.  I don’t consider any of it a bad experience and I think that as a whole her and I are stronger friends because of it.  But I see now I probably shouldn’t have jumped in the way I did and so I do apologize to her for not being the best I could be.

Relationships, regardless of what life you are in require time and patience.  Those of you who manage to make it work, I applaud you.  Choosing to be with someone in SL is no small thing, regardless of what anyone says.  If you do take the plunge, I think it can be a rewarding experience.  Be respectful of each other, be respectful of the situations you both have outside of SL and above all talk about things that affect you.

What Is SL Really About?

I have opened a Facebook account for my Avatar and since doing so I’ve made quite a few connections with other SL people.  So between it, Flickr and now Plurk I’m feeling pretty dialed into all things SL related that don’t involve 80’s clubs and hair bands, or maybe they do.  you never know.

Anyway, a question was posed by a Facebook friend the other day about SL and being frustrated by those people who want photos of the person in real life and for her to voice chat with them.  He whole reason for being on SL is to have a place where she can socialize and express her creativity via the photos she creates, so what difference does it make if she doesn’t want to give out those kinds of details or participate in  voice chat?  Does a person need to prove their sexuality to participate in SL as the avatar which is displayed for everyone to see?

Personally, I don’t care if a person voice chats or shows what they look like in real life.  I’m not treating SL as a meet and greet place to find true love.  Most of the people live hundreds, if not thousands of miles away from me (consequently, this person lives only miles away from me, which I find rather amusing but I digress).  Why would I pursue anything with them beyond SL?  Beyond the face value of their avatar.  Do I like talking to them?  Do I enjoy their company? If the answers to those two things are yes, then that’s 90% of the whole social side covered.

This brings to mind the question; what are people using SL for?  If there are here for a creative outlet, good for them! I’m always amazed by the creators and creativity that is on display in SL and a number of photographers show it off very well.  People like Nimoe Constantine, Pretty Parkin, Skip Stahelli, Skippy Beresford and Trinetty Skytower  all produce stunning visual showing off the various creations that other users create to be worn or used in Second life.

If however they are trying to use SL as some sort of dating service, they are really missing the reason for SL to be around.  If you’re looking for that special someone, wouldn’t Match.com be a better choice?  You could find people who are actually in your area!  I’m not saying that love doesn’t flourish on SL, or that there is no emotional connections made there, quite the contrary.  But I see that more as an outcome of interaction, rather than the whole reason for being there.

Anyway those are just my thoughts, my opinion on the matter.  I’m sure there are people who will agree, or disagree.  But that brings me full circle back to what brought this paragraph on in the first place.  For whatever reason you use SL, be it a creative outlet, a place to meet people from around the world, or even a place to find love, the bottom line is, respect someone’s wishes and don’t question why they do the things they do.  Just accept their decision and carry on with your SL, be it with them or without them.

Alt-itus

Well I’m back after a an unintentional SL break.  The short version; Real Life happened… that’s about the sum of it.  Private affairs and all that.  Move along, mind the gap there’s nothing to see here.

So because I had a long unannounced break, I have had different reactions from people on my return to the grid.  For me, SL has always been a place to stretch my intellectual wings in conversation with other smart people. I know that some of you may laugh at that, but then you’re probably one of the intellectual people I’ve spoken to in the first place. If you’re reading this because you had a poke around in my profile and saw the link to my blog I say, welcome new reader!

It seems that I’m, according to one friend an alternate avatar (or Alt) of one of her former paramours. So I would like to go on record here to say, “I’m not an Alt.”  (I did that with my best Richard Nixon voice.  Thanks for the memories Dicky!).  I think what pains me most about this is that this person would rather be paranoid and assume I’m an alt, than sitting down and talking to me, allowing myself to explain what really happened.  Instead, they’ve made up their mind and I’m guilty without my say. It leaves me feeling puzzled, somewhat frustrated from trying to defend myself and I’m at the point where I’m going to wash my hands of it and move on.  I considered them someone that was fun to be with and a pretty good friend at the time of my leaving.  It’s kind of sad to think that SL can breed such mistrust in people.

This opens up a wider question for me.  What kind of person runs around on alts to continue to harass and be in a relationship with someone else?  What’s done is done.  Move on, you’ll feel better I’m sure if you just close that door.  Is it to get back at the other person?  It’s all rather childish really. There’s a reason you and the other person are exes.  Quit kicking dead bunnies and move on.

Alts are also used frequently to live alternate SLs.  By this I mean,people create an alt to sneak around behind the back of the people whom they spend time with their main avatar on usually for carnal reasons. The funny thing is, the alt looks identical to the main, the profile is exactly the same and their speech patterns are of course their speech patterns.  In short, they really aren’t fooling anyone.  It’s like watching Erik The Viking run around with the Robe of Invisibility on that only works on old men.  “You can’t see me!” Oh yes we can.  Sooner or later they get found out and then it’s like our good friend Shaggy, “It wasn’t me….”.  Really, people aren’t as stupid as you think.

There are times when alts are useful.  Major business owners in SL may not want to wander around certain places on their Face avatar.  I get that.  I think in this case it’s a good use of an alt, so long as they aren’t trying to live the alternate life thing in which case, shame on them!

Alts.  They are a part of SL’s everyday culture.  Suffice to say I have no use for them.  I’m neither a business owner, or looking to get some behind my partner’s back.  I don’t have a partner to begin with, so the point would be kind of moot.  It would be my greatest hope that people would stop using alts and hurting others, but I know that’s wishful thinking.  Personally, I’m just going to take SL at face value.  The person I’m talking to at that moment is the really them.  Most people are and for those few that aren’t, I’m sure you have your reasons.